we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
