I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
