what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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