You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
