How'd it feel making her break her religion?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
