my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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