Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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