Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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