at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We were destined to go to rehab together
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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