just tell him i said nine months
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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