the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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