8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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