Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
