Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
