I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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