in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
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I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
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I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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