he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
