I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
