We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
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its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
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I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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