Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
how can u be prego again
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
