we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
