I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
