Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
splinters make it hard to masturbate
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He called his prostate his "boner button".
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
