Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
