So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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