My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
