Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
