You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
