Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
