morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
