lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
