omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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