theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
