Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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