i may or may not be watching the land before time
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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