Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
