Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
