when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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