I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
