we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
