Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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