my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
