Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
