Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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