nut hugger
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
