You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
