I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
