we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
