I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
