you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
