someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
