While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
