This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
