what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
