Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
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he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
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I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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