WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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