you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
