You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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