The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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