Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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