im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Couch. On fire.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
