so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
