The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
