every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
