what day is it and did you see me today?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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