I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
