What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
