I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
