I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
