i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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